Showing Remorse

I recently had the unusual experience of facing an accusation of never having expressed or shown any remorse for some of the things I have done in my life.

What made this most interesting to me was that the accusation came from someone who has spent years doing nothing but attacking me in every possible fashion, from defaming me in public and on the web to libeling me and organizations with which I associate (anonymously, of course, but their style is so identifiable people told me who wrote these things before I had even seen them).

This article is not to blame them or to foster any ill will toward them.  There was a time when I would have done so (and actually did - once), but I have outgrown such desires. For one thing, I have found the only way to respond to such attacks is to look within, release all my defenses and recognize that the "attack" is my own projection of something inside me.

When I began my more direct and active involvement with a certain local peace activist group, I was and remain quite sincere in that pursuit - peace.  Not just peace from the halt of all military operations in or against other countries, but also peace in our country, peace in our communities and peace in our homes.

I also recall numerous apologies I have offered for many of my acts that hurt others, and I was and remain sincere in those efforts.

I will also say that I have found it extraordinarily difficult to make amends or even express my feelings about these things when confronted with such blatant hostility that I do not believe my words will be heard or accepted.  Past experience with some of the people I have hurt showed me that this was and would still be the case.

That said, I still have to look inside me to find out what it is about me such that I would see such behavior in others, my brother and sister humans on this planet.  Within each of us lives a Spirit that we all share, that is the same in each and every one of us.  Thus, if there wasn't something in me that I can recognize in others, I would not see it, nor experience it.  That includes hostility, anger, guilt and all the negatives I don't want to see or feel at all.  Not any more.

What is remorse?

From The Collaborative International Dictionary of English v.0.48 (at dict.org):

Remorse \Re*morse"\ (r?*m?rs"), n. [OE. remors, OF. remors, F. remords, LL. remorsus, fr. L. remordere, remorsum, to bite again or back, to torment; pref. re- re- + mordere to bite. See Morsel.]

1. The anguish, like gnawing pain, excited by a sense of guilt; compunction of conscience for a crime committed, or for the sins of one's past life. "Nero will be tainted with remorse." --Shak.
[1913 Webster]

2. Sympathetic sorrow; pity; compassion.
[1913 Webster]

Curse on the unpardoning prince, whom tears can draw
To no remorse.
--Dryden.
[1913 Webster]

But evermore it seem'd an easier thing
At once without remorse to strike her dead.
--Tennyson.
[1913 Webster]

Having been a devout student of the Course In Miracles for my third year now, I find the first definition above, well, repulsive.  We are not here to wallow in our guilt, pain, anguish and so on.  If we have a conscience, we act in accordance with that conscience and do not act in ways that contribute to the suffering of others.

In the past, I have made choices not to pay attention to these things, to my deep regret.  I reacted rather than responding, and my reactions were both appalling and my choice - then.

Once I woke up to the realization that they were my choices, I had the opportunity to change the way I acted, and I have done so.  The only person with whom I now have any disagreements that are more than superficial still loves me and trusts me, and I him.  We both know where these come from and how to get through them fast.  Most importantly, we know not to hold onto anything from the past because that's all it is - the past.

As for definition #2, for the person who is involved, I feel all of those things.

The Course teaches that everything we see in life is either love or a cry for love.  My older behavior was filled with cries for love, a lot more than just giving love, and the more I cried for love, the less I got.  This is not surprising, since we receive what we give.  With all my cries for love, that was all I got in return, not knowing that that was what they were and not aware enough to respond by giving the love I needed to receive.

At this point, what I can do is offer my sincere apology to anyone I have hurt.  I have changed, and I hope they will as well.  To them, I say and mean this:

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
And I thank you.

Forgiveness is what we are all here to learn.

Unforgiveness only hurts the unforgiver.  Unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the unforgiven person to die.  I can't do that anymore.  I have had enough unforgiveness that the process of letting it go and forgiving is taking me longer than I like.

Forgiveness is letting go of all hope of a different past.  I can't change what has already happened.  What I can do is recover, forgive and move on in my life.  Maybe I can teach this to those willing to learn and do the same, and thus learn it for myself.

If we want to experience love, peace and joy, we have to make the choice to do so regardless of what we think we see in the world.  If we give love, we receive it.  To do that, we must learn to love ourselves.  That means we also have to forgive ourselves, for how can we love someone we have yet to forgive?

That is how we allow the Divine Love to flow through us and shine our light on the world, as we were created to do.

God bless you all.